So there I was...
Watching Chicken Little for the upteenth time with my toddler and baby. My toddler, Gabriel was enjoying some grapes and sitting in his chair enjoying the flick when all of a sudden a horrible sound came from my baby, Ben.
KABOOM!!
I felt what can only be described as a tire flattening on the highway on my leg. Followed by unbelievable warmth. Gabriel turned and gave me a look as if to say "What the he** was THAT? (I couldn't agree more) but I don't know if he thought it was me! At this point I was afraid to even move either myself or Ben. And then there was the odor... Who says breastmilk fed babies don't have stinky poop?!
Of course I had to move us eventually. Oh how I dreaded what I was about to see. Poo all up his back and out one leg (Dang you Pampers sample!!), on my shorts, soaked through to MY underwear and on my skin, and puddled on the reclining chair which I had the cover off in the wash so it's right on the fabric.
Now, what do I do first? What was the plan of action? Don't get me wrong, I have been through similar situations but not to this extent. Luckily Gabriel was occupied so I stood up praying for no loose particals or "juice" if you will would fall to the floor.
I took Ben to the changing table where luckily last nights bath towel still lay and placed him down. Standing next to him I shed my clothes, naked from the waist down. Quickly I took a baby wipe and cleaned up the biggest mess on myself to ensure no spills.
Now the baby... The onesie? How do I get it off and not spread this toxic spill onto his beautiful little smiling, yes smiling, face? It could not be saved. I'm telling you right now, the onesie had to go. I reached for a pair of scissors in the drawer and began to free him of this hideous outfit. There would not have been enough stain remover in the world to clean this thing so ruining it forever was easily done. The diaper remarkably was dry in the front. Who would have thought.
Where was I going to put this stuff? I can't walk away and leave him on the table? Where is my DH at times like this? I just had to leave it on the table for the time being. Oh, the amount of poo on this child still was amazing. How could he have that much? He had already pooped this morning? What on earth did I eat to cause this nightmare? So many unanswered questions...
Wipes. I'm glad I buy in bulk. I had to at least wipe off the majority of it before bathing him...otherwise he'd be swimming in poo and I'd be dealing with poo water! About 10 wipes later, no joke, he was ready to transport to the bath. We made it there without peeing and I put him in it and then poured the water in. Smiling and cooing he enjoyed the clean up and appeared to be thanking me...or mocking me, I don't know.
I washed him, dressed him, placed him in the swing, surveyed the damage to the chair, threw out the onesie and diaper and as I took a breath of relief my toddler who had been enjoying his movie the entire time thankfully turns to me laughing. Oh, I forgot I was half naked! He found it funny that I had no clothes on. Great for self esteem! But that was not why he was laughing... "Poo Poo?" he said. I said yes there was a lot of poo poo from the baby. But then he pointed to himself and said it again. "Poo Poo?" And then the smell hit me..._________________
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